I actually dreamed about helicopters last night. Yikes.
I love that I’m giving so much thought to my challenges. So much thought, in fact, that I’m actually dreaming about them. When I first looked at the list, I originally thought, “No sweat. At all.” Although I have 344 days left to complete everything, the thought has crossed my mind that I might need to cram some of these things together.
I’ve come up with some scenarios to make sure I’ve done all of this in time.
1) How about dance class? While naked. Of course, I should take a stripping class–in Vegas, when I take my husband, and we’ll go via helicopter. Then I’ll shoot a zipline from…wait, I’m naked. Right. I have nowhere to carry the zipline, so I won’t zipline to the stripper’s class.
2) I go to Vancouver with my son, and we hang there while I’m vegan. I’m pretty sure the word “vegan” means “starvation” in old Serbian. So, I’m going to blog about me wasting away with no meat or cheese (oh cod…no cheese) and then I’ll do a self-portrait (naked!) to show my emaciated frame and sell it on Etsy as an evocative and provocative social commentary on the male gaze. I’m not sure how to fit ziplining in this scenario.
3) My daughter and I go to Los Angeles. My friend Natasha meets us there and we scramble Space Mountain in Disneyland—that counts, right? As we’re walking down Sunset Boulevard after our scramble, I’m hand-picked off the street to star in rap music videos. I agree to this because I’ve agreed to try new things. At this point, I’m thinking I should have starved (aka gone vegan) and ran the 10KM before going to LA because I’m going to be rap video star. I also thinking I should have taken twerking classes instead of classical ballet.
I’m not sure how to fit ziplining in this scenario, either.
I can eat whatever bug flies into my mouth while I’m screaming during ziplining. I’m sure there are naturally occurring chocolate-covered grasshoppers.